Furnj
by Lord Drash
Summary: Set in a somewhat alternate universe even more alternate than the other alternate universes, Furnj tells us a tale of science and evil, and how sometimes the two are the same, but not different. Translation: This is a parody a la Boymony, but for fringe and with science instead of magic or punching.


**Furnj**

**Chapter One: Science is Magic, only harder**

Olivia Dunham was really good at remembering things. She used her amazing memory-based remembering skills to get a job working for the FBI, as the ability to remember things is the most useful skill one could have.

But this story is not about Olivia. It is about her boss, Phyllis Goyles, a woman. Although, secretly Goyles was not yet Olivia's boss. But she would be. Very soon!

Everything seemed super-normal, but then people in an airplane melted and the airplane crashed into an airport. Oliva came with her stoic and potentially evil boyfriend, Jonathan Scott to investigate the mysterious airplane, as they were both FBI Agents.

"What's going on here?" Olivia demanded at Goyles.

"People have melted, and we think science is responsible!" Goyles said, using her powerful, manly voice to indicate how scary this situation was.

"Impossible!" John Scott said, stepping out of the airplane and wiping people off from his black boots. "Science is our friend!"

"Sometimes friends can be dangerous," Charlie Francis said. "94% of people who have been raped and/or abused were done so by a family member or someone they knew."

Everyone nodded and agreed, especially Olivia.

"Olivia, you must join Furnj division," Goyles said, pointing at the melted people.

"I cannot," Olivia said sternly. "I am dating John Scott."

But then John Scott was caught in an explosion and his skin flew off. So Olivia joined Furnj division, thereby making Goyles her boss and proving that the beginning of this story had not lied to you!

"In order to save your manfriend, we must get a super-scientist," Goyles told Olivia. "Only the super-scientist has gone crazy, so we need his son to break him out of scientist mind-prison!"

"I am on it," Olivia said, saluting her way to Peter Bishop.

"I hate my father," Peter said.

"I hate my father," Olivia told him. "Also, I work for Furnj and not the FBI."

"What is Firnge?" Peter asked, pronouncing it wrong.

"I don't know, I haven't asked my new boss about it yet. Let's go save your dad!"

They saved Peter's dad, but he had a long beard and peed a lot, so things were kind of rough. But then he scienced off the beard and things were better!

"What shall I science for you?" Walter asked, with a voice clear of beard and pants partially clear of urine.

"My male boyfriend, who I am engaged to at the end of this episode is missing his skin, and science might have done it!" Olivia said, distrustful of Walter because he looked like an old man, and she had bad experiences with old men before. Bad experiences that she didn't like!

"So you would like me to remove more skin?" Walter inquired.

"No! Remove none of the skin! Put skin back on!"

"I am not that kind of scientist!" Walter yelled, beard flying out of his science.

"NO!" Olivia said, plunging herself into Harvard.

"Olivia stop!" Peter said, stopping her with his hands and not his words, as those were meaningless. "He can only destroy with his science, not create. Do not blame my father for knowing only evil science."

"I will not blame him Peter, but only because you blame him enough for three you's," Olivia said, tears of forgiveness in her eyes.

"Agent Farnsworth," Walter said, turning his head and face to the character he had just named and had been standing nearby all this time. "Help figure out how to control my science."

"It's Farmsworth," she said.

"Wait," Olivia said, not waiting but instead standing still. "What if we destroy the lack of skin on my fiance-husband?"

"Then he would have skin!" Peter said, clapping his head with glee.

"And I would get to ruin something!" Walter said, using LSD and backstory to fix Scott Johnson.

"My skin is back on, yet I feel strangely destroyed," he said with his words.

"That's probably just the evil kicking in," Nina Sharp said, making an appearance.

"The evil?" Olivia said, questioning this querulous statement.

"RAR!" Johnson yelled, killing a car and driving a pedestrian into the snow.

"Chase him with all the FBI!" Goyles said, dispatching FBI agents like it was a thing she could easily do.

However it was not the FBI who caught him, but Olivia who accidentally killed him and was sad, as she was no better than science. So then Goyles promoted her to FBI, so that she could write in her report that the FBI stopped evil and science, and now only good science remained.

But that was an untruth that would be discovered as a lie and more plots and plot would happen as a result.


End file.
